Pastor

In a world where enduring marriages are more of a rarity than the norm, one is left to wonder what qualities are needed in order for a marriage couple to sustain a relationship over the long haul. Some qualities are less obvious than others, and yet are critical for a healthy relationship to flourish over a lifetime.

Intimacy is a word that is frequently used of married couples who are enjoying a special level of closeness within their relationship. Intimacy within marriage is to be an exclusive deal. A couple has the opportunity to build special memories that are just between the two of them.

Honoring parents as a child seems to be fairly clear. Children are expected to obey their parents. But does that change when children grow-up and leave home? What does honor look like then? And what if you had mean or abusive parents? Does honor for an abusive parent look the same as honor for a loving parent?

Grandparents have a wonderful role in the lives of their grandchildren. Now that they have raised their own children, they have the freedom and opportunity to impact their grandchildren through a variety of activities.

Just about everything in modern life has been sexualized in some way. It's especially true when it comes to how people tend to think of male/female friendships. But there are such things as healthy brother/sister type relationships between men and women that are not romanticize or sexualized. Learning how to honor a member of the opposite sex as a fellow image-bearer is vital for cultivating these healthy relationships that don't cross lines of propriety.

Falling out of love is one of the major reasons given by couples for divorce. The problem is that they've defined love superficially as merely the feelings of excitement and attraction that brought them together in the first place. Falling out of love isn't the end of a relationship. Rather, it can be the opportunity for a couple to learn how to deeply love one another for the very first time.

Falling in love feels good. It's the excitement of being with that special person who makes you feel great when you're with them. And that's how most romantic relationships begin. But "falling in love" stage isn't enough to sustain a marriage throughout a lifetime together. That takes a maturing love that still delights in the other but also decides to love even when the feelings aren't present.

The prevalence of adulterous affairs are one of the most regrettable aspects of our modern times. One of the casualties of an affair is the betrayal of trust. Rebuilding that trust is essential if a couple is to restore their marriage. Rebuilding trust takes time, patience, and the full participation of both spouses.

An empty nest presents a unique opportunity for a married couple to take a second look at their marriage. Too often couples discover that they have invested so much of their time, money, and energy focusing on their children that they've neglected investing in each other. Now that the children are gone, it's time for them to learn how to rediscover and reinvest in their relationship.

In order for a marriage to be restored after a divorce, both partners must be willing to say that they have fully explored the reasons why they originally divorced. That usually takes a significant amount of time, counsel, and brokenness before they can move in different ways with clarity, purpose, and agreement towards restoration.

Many marriages are in trouble. Too often divorce is viewed as the quick and easy solution. It's not. However, while the Bible upholds the priority of a lifetime marital commitment, there are some cases in which even God allows for divorce. Unpacking the biblical grounds for a divorce is a thorny challenge but sometimes it's necessary to respond in a loving way to a damaging or dangerous spouse.

Physical danger is a real threat in some marriages where the difficulties are extreme. Learning first how to recognize those dangers and then getting out of harm's way is more central for a threatened spouse than discussions and confrontations that would only inflame the situation. Clear and decisive steps need to be taken to escape the threat of violence.

There are times when confrontation must be avoided, or at least delayed. If all you want is to vent your anger on your spouse who has deeply wounded and harmed you, then you'd be better off just backing off for awhile until you are able to process your anger and proceed to address the issue in a more productive manner.

Because conflict is normal in a marriage, there are times when confrontation is very appropriate. But, confrontation must never be a demand that your spouse change, but instead it is more of an opportunity to allow them to see the impact they are having on you and to invite them to change.

Every relationship has conflict in one form or another. Much of it can be worked through successfully if both parties are willing to participate. But sometimes that's not the case. When the other person is unwilling to budge an inch, what does it mean to stand ready to resolve the conflict should there be an opportunity to do so?

Some people avoid conflict like the plague while others can't wait to mix it up in a verbal sparring match. While each chooses a different methodology, both are avoiding real intimacy in the relationship. Each is afraid of taking the risk of getting close.

Taking an honest look at the tensions in your marriage will lead to conflict that can't be avoided. However, the key to handling conflict well isn't to look at your spouse with suggestions of how he or she can change, but to look at yourself and to ask how you can learn to move towards your spouse with more love that builds deeper connection while working through the conflict.

Conflict is unavoidable in marriage. For those who try to avoid it, they are constantly frustrating themselves and their partners in their futile attempts to escape it. Rather than avoid it, we must learn how to walk by faith and take the risk of engaging in the conflict and learning more about ourselves, our spouses, and trusting God at the same time.

Conflict is a product of the Fall that took place in the Garden of Eden. Ever since that day, man and woman have had conflict with each other and conflict with God. The root cause is because of our separation from God and our stubborn commitment to taking care of ourselves at the expense of loving others.

Pouring oneself into a relationship where there is no return from the other person is devastating and discouraging. Tough love is required, but is often confusing. Learning how to evaluate and then engage in a relationship with a destructive person requires patience, discernment, and courage.