4 Practical Ways to Lead Our Kids in the Faith
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
7:30 AM on Wednesday, September 16
By Dr. Kent Ingle, Parenting
1. Grace Over Performance
One of the greatest traps in Christian parenting is confusing behavioral modification with spiritual transformation. Because we want our children to be safe and well-adjusted, we often reduce Christianity to a system of moral rules. Be polite, do not lie, get good grades, and stay out of trouble.
While these are good behaviors for all Christians, it is not the Gospel message.
Governing our home by rule-keeping and performance is unintentionally teaching our children the theology of the Pharisees. They will see God’s love as conditional, earned by good behavior, and lost by their failures.
To lead our kids in the faith, our homes must be saturated in grace. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.” The apostle Paul is reminding us that we are not saved by our actions. When our children fail, make a poor choice, or act out in rebellion, it is an opportunity to mirror the heart of the Father. Yes, there must be discipline and consequences, but those consequences must be bookended by unconditional love. Your children need to know that their parents love and God’s love is unconditional and unchanging, despite their actions.
Don’t show up only when they perform, be present and loving with discipline unconditionally.
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2. The Ministry of Presence
At the center of the Christian faith is the doctrine of the Incarnation. When humanity was lost, God sent his son, Jesus, in the flesh, and came to Earth to be with us. John 1:14 says, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” Our heavenly Father modeled the ministry of presence.
In a hyper-distracted culture, our physical and emotional presence is one of the most powerful discipleship tools we possess. It is very hypocritical to tell our children that God is listening to their prayers if we are too busy or glued to our screens to look them in the eye.
Leading our kids in the faith requires us to incarnate the love of God by being there for them. It means sitting on the edge of their bed at night to listen to a story about their day. It means sitting through rainy soccer games and prioritizing family dinners. To give our undivided attention to our children, we give them a tangible representation and understanding of the attentiveness of their Heavenly Father.
Being there for your son or daughter daily creates a feeling of safety, allowing them an outlet to share their thoughts and feelings.
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3. Create a Safe Space for Theological Discussion
As children grow, particularly into their teenage years, their faith must transition from being an inherited belief to a personal conviction. This transition almost always involves a season of questioning and doubt.
When a child asks, “How do we know the Bible is true?” or “Why does God allow pain?” We often panic and shut these conversations down with Christian cliches, fearing that doubt is the opposite of faith. Scripture paints a very different picture. The Psalms are filled with agonizing questions directed at God. When Thomas was skeptical about the Resurrection, there was no condemnation from Jesus, but instead, he showed compassion.
To lead our kids in the faith, we must make our dinner tables and living rooms safe spaces for theological questions. When your child asks a hard question about faith or even life, one of the most powerful responses you can give as a parent when you don’t know the answer is, “That is a great question. One I don’t quite know myself. Let’s figure it out together.” If our kids are scared to ask questions at home, they will bring those questions to a culture that is happy to deconstruct their faith.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Thai Noipho
4. Model a Life of Repentance
Children possess a sharp radar for hypocrisy and fakeness. They know when our faith is merely a jacket we wear to church on Sunday and take off for the rest of the week. They see how we speak to our spouses, how we react to stress in traffic, and how we manage challenges.
Perfection is impossible, and it is not our job as parents to model perfection but instead to model what it looks like to fully rely on the grace of Jesus Christ. This means that one of the most spiritually formative things a parent can do is apologize.
When you make a mistake, you have a discipleship opportunity. Going to your child and saying, “I’m sorry,” will show your child that Christianity is not about being flawless. For much of their early life, they may think of their parents as superheroes. To see their superhero repent and apologize to them and to God shows them life as Christians is about continually turning back to the cross.
Final Thought
Living as Christ did becomes genuine when how we live on a Tuesday is the same as a Sunday morning. Spiritual leadership happens in small, faithful steps. This week, look for one natural moment, like driving in the car, walking the dog, or cooking dinner, to bring up a casual conversation with your child. Instead of forcing a heavy sermon, ask about their day, show interest in a hobby of theirs, or share a funny story from your childhood. Kids often assume their parents have always had everything spiritually figured out, so letting them see the authenticity of your own walk with Christ is powerful.
Furthermore, pay attention to how you react next time your child makes a mistake. Instead of reacting with immediate frustration or a lecture, practice pausing for a moment to pray before you respond, allowing grace to lead the way. Leading our kids in the faith is a marathon. By inviting their questions and living out the Gospel in everyday moments, we provide the soil for the Holy Spirit to transform their hearts.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Aldomurillo
